Star Talent Agency
Dear Stan Tarible:
I am not very adept at writing a so-called resignation letter or really an “I quit” letter, so this will have to do.
None of the promises you made to me at the start of this six-month paid internship has been fulfilled. You told me I would learn all about the tools of the trade in the first steps of being a talent agent. Instead all I learned to do is to be a personal servant to you or to your third-rate movie and TV clients.
Where in any work manual does it say I have to bring in fresh pastries every morning and to be at the bakery exactly when it opens up to make sure that the pastries are hot from the oven and then race here to the office before they have a chance to cool off.
And then I have to make the coffee. Not one pot, but two, as some here in the office drink decaf while others drink regular. And to make sure I measure the amount of coffee that I use so as not to make the coffee too weak or too strong.
Then it’s on to the pencil sharpener to sharpen all the free pencils you have stolen from various financial institutions, then open the mail and be sure that I throw out all the dunning letters from your creditors demanding payment before the rest of the staff comes in so that they don’t suspect how bad your cash flow really is.
The pay is $8 per hour and you pay me for only eight hours each day although I start at 8 a.m. and finish at 7 p.m. before you send me home with work entailing that I review movie scripts each evening to see if they might be suitable for your clients. Then I must write a report of each script as to its worth, which makes for a long day for which I am only paid for eight hours. On the weekend I again have to review scripts and possibly, if you have been lucky during the week, I might have to check contracts for one of your clients.
During the day when your clients do get a role in a movie or TV show, I have to arrange their travel arrangements and their hotel reservations. Then when they are on location they call back with their demands, such as what type of food the producer will provide. Or it might be they want a special type of beverage in their hotel suite every night.
And gosh forbid, if their hotel suite is not to their liking, I have to argue with the hotel management to make your again, as I think they are, third-rate clients happy. And sometimes the so-called male movie star wants to know if I can send him up some female stripper to entertain him at night. All for $8 per hour.
And when things go wrong, as they often do, I am the one that gets blamed and yelled at by you. There certainly has been no glamour to this job, no great experience in learning how to be a talent agent, but definitely a great knowledge if ever I decide to become a travel agent.
On my next job application I will list my work experience with you, and I am sure that any prospective employer that looks over my resume will say to me, “How did you last six months with that bastard?”
Yours not so truly,
Sarah Ann Garlick
© 2017 Albert Zimbler
Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.