Ma, it’s 3 o’clock and I’m home from school.
Wonderful, Phil. Was it a long day?
Yes, but I managed.
Anything exciting happen?
Yes, we had a health class today.
A health class? What was it about?
I learned something that I didn’t know about.
Really, tell me about it.
I learned how not to make babies.
What? Say that again. No, don’t say that again. But did I hear you right?
Yes, the teacher told us how not to make babies.
Before I call the principal, please tell me exactly what your teacher said.
Miss Ivy, she’s new and she’s good looking.
Enough with the description. Tell me about what she said.
She says that boys do something to girls and that makes a baby
She only said that?
Yes, that’s most of what she said
Miss Ivy said I should ask Dad, rather than you, about how not to make babies.
What do you mean by that?
She said I should ask Dad about a hockey puck.
A hockey puck?
Yes, a hockey puck is made of the same material as that which is made by companies so boys will not make babies.
That is correct.
The teacher said that whatever it is the companies make, these come in various colors like balloons, and if they break bad things happen.
That’s true also.
Miss Ivy said that only adults like Dad and you can make babies but I think she is wrong.
Why do you say that?
I saw this older girl in school today and she looks like she has a watermelon in her stomach.
Maybe she has.
Ma, I don’t think so. I think she is having a baby because she looks just like you did before my brother Bernie was born. And, Ma, I have to tell you.
Ma, I never knew I could learn so much.
© 2017 Albert Zimbler
Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv. Click here to see his Amazon author profile.